What If Unicorns Were Real?

The mythology of unicorns has been in popular culture for as long as we can remember, but how did it all begin? And why are unicorns always candy-infused, rainbow-spewing, magically cutesy beings?

What would unicorns be like if they were real world animals? What if unicorns were real?

So don’t be shy about loving unicorns, even if you’re a guy! The pink rainbow versions are just the kid-friendly renditions, because the real shit is clearly too much for society to handle.

It feels like as part of the feminist movement, they had to make every single animal on this putrid globe extra cutesy and give them floofy names like danger noodle and trash panda and domesticate them into soggy, docile furballs.

Well, you’ve done it to the poor unicorn for long enough!

Yeah, we’re taking back the unicorn, boys!

Tonight we ride in hell!

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