Once in your life (or perhaps twice, if you are fortunate) you will meet someone amazing, someone who will make you nervous, someone who will shock you and surprise you, someone who will turn your world upside down, who will challenge your world view and share your world. Who will make you see things from a new perspective, make you realise there are so many other beautiful things out in the world.
You will meet someone who will make your heart flutter, your brain freeze, who will make you want to sing out loud, will make you see the music, and hear the colours of the rainbow. Someone who will laugh at you and with you, who will tell it to you like it is, who isn’t afraid to take your shit (no, not literally, ew). Someone who gives a damn about you and who you are, who you really are.
And suddenly, you’re not alone anymore. Your time is no longer just your own. You are swept up in a grand adventure, a wild journey drifting through time and space. For once, your life has a sparkling new direction, you have found a new muse, a new joy; your very being has renewed meaning, your life has a new purpose. You may not know what exactly it is, but you know it will never be the same again.
And you know deep down, somehow, that this, all this, will come to an end.
Not the feelings and fanciful experiences that you had, the conversations and chagrin that you shared. The little moments and memories you had together. Those quiet intervals between adventures where you could just be, where you were comfortable knowing there was someone else there who wasn’t trying to steal your shit or cause you harm. The cozy feeling in your inner being of warmth and contentment. No, not those. Those memories will haunt you forever.
There will come a time when your togetherness will cease, when you will have to be apart. Whether it be long or short, voluntary or not by choice, one thing will remain the same: the pain.
And yes, even the pain will end. Eventually, someday. And everything will be alright.
Yes, everything will be alright. Your lips quiver and your chest falls away in slow motion, like a cold rock spiraling downward toward the void, the all-embracing darkness. As you come to accept the inevitable future, a future now devoid of purpose, of joy, of hope, of warmth, you can’t help but wonder – what the fuck were they thinking when they wrote those fucking fairy tales?
Those lies built up over generations of propaganda and brain washing, that there is a happy ending, that there is a hope of redemption, a hope of peace and retribution. A hope that happiness can last for a lifetime. That there is hope. Lies.
Human existence is messy and convoluted and disappointing. It is a world full of rejection and indifference and hate. It is pain.
And you cling to the pain, the fleeting flashes of emotions that you find in your bleak existence, living on with the hope in your heart. The hope of impending doom. The hope that maybe you will be reunited with those who have left, those who have gone from your life, even if it is for that brief split second before your soul leaves your body.
And in your despair you recall those fleeting feelings, those moments when you glimpsed happiness. At least you had that, no matter how short-lived. And you will always have that, those happy memories and bittersweet moments of peace and serenity without a care in the world.
And that is why you must soldier on.
Because these are but feelings and thoughts. Like people, they will come and go. Life is unfair, life will have its ups and downs. You will not always be happy, and you will not always be sad, and you may no longer be that innocent, carefree, shiny-eyed little rascal, but what you are now is a fighter. What you now have is a will to go on, a will to live and breathe and take what this world has to give and roll with the punches.
As cliched as it sounds: what doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Your belief in yourself becomes stronger; your belief in better days becomes stronger. Pain makes you stronger.
You begin to realise that at the end of it all, everything will be alright. And even if it isn’t alright, who’s going to be around to care?
And perhaps there is the hope that one day, you will meet someone amazing, someone who will make you nervous again. Maybe it will be that same someone. Maybe it won’t. But it matters not, because you will be alright. Because you are that amazing someone.
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